Saturday, September 1, 2012
Talking to the Wall
Sometimes, most times, I feel like what I post here on this blog and what I actually say aloud in the world falls on deaf ears. I think that I've been silently screaming for most of my life and now I want those screams to be heard. Alas, who enjoys listening to screaming? Thus, my dilemma. How do I find my voice, share appropriately or, should I say, in a user-friendly way, and still manage to be heard? Is what I have to say even of value, to anyone, even myself? I'd like to think so. I'd like to believe that I have something worthwhile to contribute to the world, although, in 39 years, I have yet to figure out what that might be. I want to leave something behind when I go, something of substance, something that truly matters to someone, to anyone. It is so hard, merely existing, never truly living, so paralyzed by fear and shame.
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I <3 you.
ReplyDeleteLove you right back, darlin'.
ReplyDeleteyou can scream to me if you need to - i listen quite well :)
ReplyDeletelove ya bunches!
I'm listening, Kari. You are not alone. <3
ReplyDeleteMy ears are always available. I understand how you're feeling. You make a difference in my life even if u don't think so <3
ReplyDeleteJust look at how many are listening to you! But if you will not be willing to listen to yourself, to REALLY listen to yourself, how can you expect anyone else?
ReplyDeleteYou are so doubtful all the time. Stop that! You are clever, you have lot's to say and you are heard. You only have to accept that. To believe in yourself. That's all really. I promise!
So you may not become as famouse as Einstein and you will not leave a legasy of giving like mother Mary. But you are heard in your little circle, and you will leave all that to the world. And hey - you are heard on both sides of the Atlantic! ;-)
I love you guys, truly, and I thank you. My husband tells me all the time, especially lately, "You have MANY wonderful friends, true friends. Just because you can't physically reach out and touch them, doesn't mean they're not there." He is right, of course. I guess, sometimes, I truly grasp that I am my own worst enemy and that until I can overcome that, I'll never be truly well or whole. I will keep trying, though. If not for myself, for all of you.
ReplyDeleteXo,
K