Baby, I'm Amazed

I wonder if it will ever stop surprising me when I find myself feeling happy for no apparent reason. It is such a strange and foreign experience but so fucking wonderful. It is my nature to suspect and question everything but I'm trying really hard not to analyze this and to just enjoy it.

Nine Months

Today marks the nine month anniversary of the day I decided that loving myself would no longer be optional.  It is the day that, for whatever reason, I discovered my Rosetta stone, the one thing that spoke to me louder and more clearly than years of therapy, good advice or even medication ever could.  It was the day that I plain and simply decided that I had had enough.  No more wishing to be anyone but me.  No more hoping and praying for answers that would never come.  No, it was time to take my quest for happiness into my own two humble hands and hold on to it for all I was worth.

Do I still have my dark moments?  Sadly, far more than I would like.  But I also see light, more than ever before.  I am grateful to be alive.  I cherish the support of those I love who, imagine this, love me back.  I have finally realized that I...am...enough.  Nine months ago, today, I would have never dreamed any of this was possible.  Now, I am bound and determined to keep moving forward and stop looking back.

So, congratulations, it's a girl and that girl is ME...well on my way to becoming who I was meant to be.

Why?

Unanswered questions
silently waiting
stealthily lurking
someplace I cannot
see or hear
but most definitely
can feel
taunting me
not just in my own mind
but on every plain of existence
teasing
laughing
daring me
to discover the answers
I may not ever
really want to find.