Friday, November 8, 2013


I'm learning, albeit slowly, that the fact that not everyone in the world likes me is not only acceptable but kind of a gift. I mean, after all, it's not like I like everyone I encounter, far from it. I've become far more selective over the years about who I want in my life and I've decided that keeping my circle small is not only advisable but necessary to my overall well-being.

That being said, far worse than not being liked is being patronized by people who clearly have issues with me but lack the balls to address them. I can empathize with this plight to a degree because for most of my life, I lacked the courage to engage in much conflict and simply bit my tongue to avoid such. However, now that I've evolved into a self-loving (okay, not quite, not always) or at least a self-liking rather than self-loathing individual, I realize what a true disservice it is not only to me but to the other person to dance around that elephant in the room rather than engage in an honest discourse about our true feelings.

So, the point is, like me, hate me or anything above, below, or in between but please, whatever you feel, be fucking honest about it.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013


Wow. Clearly, blogging has not been a priority for me for quite some time. However, the lack of recorded musings does not stem from a lack of thought. My mind races at a hundred (thousand) miles per second, even when I wish it wouldn't (which is most of the time).

I'm well-acquainted with insomnia and I was long before I began taking new depression meds in August, (a story for another day, perhaps,) due to my unquiet mind.  Hell, here I am at 11:30 at night, knowing that my near-constant stream of thought will keep my mind unsettled for some time to come.

I kind of wish I could think a bit less but such is the lot of being me. Well, one aspect of being me. I'm learning, more each day, that we all have a myriad of dimensions, light and shadings, unique to ourselves and seemingly in constant evolution. I'm also learning that this is decidedly okay.

So, rest assured, dear readers (if there are any of you out there) that I am well, better than well, actually. I am pensive and introspective and bemused and 109 other things at any given moment (including this one) and that includes safe. I am safe in my home, in my bed, in my heart and in my head and right now, that is all I need to be.