I just did something big, today. HUGE, in fact. I deleted my beauty blog. Not my first blog POST, mind you, the entire thing, the big kahuna.
On March 30, 2011, I launched my beauty blog, then called "Got Polish?", with the following post:
Hello, dear readers. Welcome to my new blog! Some of you may know, I write a blog entitled "Kari On" in which I discuss all of the day to day chaos, turmoil, drama and occasional beauty in my life. However, I've been posting polish pics and, in essence, polish blogging on my Facebook page for several months now and I thought that perhaps it was time for a blog devoted strictly to polish (thanks to my friend, Michelle, for the suggestion). I've loved polish since I was a little girl. However, my spark of interest was rekindled earlier this year (thanks to my friend, Destany, for pointing me in the direction of Zoya nail polish). I'm looking forward to relieving some of my near-constant stress and hopefully providing a little bit of information and fun to all who choose to read and/or follow this blog. Without further ado...
Presenting...Tallulah (forgive me, Tori Spelling, for bogarting the name of your children's book. I do *heart* me some Tori Spelling.)
Tallulah was my very first Zoya polish. If you know me at all, you know how much I adore all things blue. I chose Tallulah as one of my three free colors during Zoya's first Facebook promotion, in which you could choose three free colors and only pay $6.95 shipping. SUCH a great deal. Application was a DREAM and this is only ONE coat *gasp*. A Zoya love affair was born.
To those of you expecting "woe is me, Kari", trust me, she's not going anywhere, despite my best attempts to ditch her. However, she will be joined by "polish Kari" who is generally a hell of a lot more fun. Enjoy, won't you?
As I look back at this, my very first post, just NINE days before the four year anniversary of this blog, I have to add a very important codicil. I now DESPISE Tori Spelling. Like, with a fiery passion.
Okay, as you were.
As many (okay, some) of you may know, I stopped writing on that blog months ago, deciding instead to combine all of my loves into THIS very blog you're reading (I hope) right now, "PerseveringStar" (aka "the artist formerly known as 'Kari On'"). I've got to tell you, that blog gave me a lot of joy, a lot of free swag to review and a great deal of satisfaction, for a time. But that time, my friends, has passed. Like life, blogs evolve and sometimes become obsolete. That time has come for "Got Polish?" aka "Butterfly's Landing". Now is the time for "PerseveringStar", here on Blogger, on YouTube, on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, you get the drift. So I hope that eventually, some of the people who subbed to that blog (in all honesty, many did so years ago as a sort of "sub for sub" exchange when I was active in a nail polish-based Facebook group) might find their ways here. If not, I certainly hope that others will. You, my friends, the few, the cherished, who have already subscribed, mean the WORLD to me. Your support, friendship and encouragement are a large part of the reason I even continue with these cray cray (as the kids would say) endeavors o' mine. I love you. You matter, truly.
That being said, it's "see ya later" (I prefer not to use that more permanent "goodb.." word, ever) to my "beauty blog" and time to respark my love of (for? fuck if I've ever been good at grammar) "PerseveringStar", the blog. (I feel like I'm in Spaceballs, the movie. Hope at least a few of you get that reference.) So, please stay with me if you're already here, encourage like-minded friends with exceptional taste to join us and hang on to your asses. It's going to be one hell of a condensed yet simplified ride.
Thursday, April 13, 2017
Hi, friends! Today I'd like to share my swatches and reviews of two GORGEOUS Sally Hansen Miracle Gel polishes, namely Tipsy Gypsy and Carry On Blue. First up, the swatches!
Bottle shots! The third is SH's Miracle Gel top coat, step two in their system.
Left hand! Two coats each of Carry on Blue and Tipsy Gypsy, alternating.
Right Hand, starting with Tipsy Gypsy on thumbnail.
You guys, these polishes are SO awesome! I'm a huge fan of their wide brushes which make application a breeze. I also adore both of these colors, which were nice and opaque in two quick coats. A quick top coat and I was off to the races rocking this fun spring mani that lasted at least four days before chipping. Honestly, I have yet to try a Sally Hansen Miracle Gel that I haven't loved!!
The products used in this post were provided free of charge for my honest review and consideration. As always, all opinions expressed are completely my own and unbiased.
Monday, April 10, 2017
Hi, friends! I shared this on my other blog, Butterfly's Landing, and now I guess it's about time I share it here. Because Blogger makes it next to impossible (at least for me) to condense two blogs' content into one, I will henceforth be writing on this blog exclusively. Butterfly's Landing will remain for archival purposes but from now on, all poetry, stories, reviews, etc. (in other words EVERYthing) will be posted here. I hope you'll follow and share my journey.
Monday, February 20, 2017
I have made the decision to share this very personal piece of non-fiction writing not because I wear my shame with pride. And yes, I am deeply ashamed. I am sharing it because somehow, this letter that will probably never be sent (pointless) might help someone else realize that he or she is not alone. Though we suffer "invisible" illness, we, the mentally ill, deserve empathy and compassion and yes, when necessary, financial subsidies, to live the most effective possible lives. I am not on disability. The system has made it nearly impossible for mentally ill persons to be approved, certainly those without the means to afford legal representation. It's the classic Catch 22. I am currently receiving not one penny from the state, the federal government or anyone else. Food stamps were the only assistance I have ever received and several months ago, those were taken away, too. The following is completely true, my truth, my heartbreaking plea on deaf ears. I hope it helps you understand, just a little bit better, what I deal with every day of my life.
Thanks for reading,
Thanks for reading,
To whom it may concern,
My name is Kari Murphy and I am writing to inquire as to why my SNAP benefits were arbitrarily taken away. At some point, without an interview, without asking me so much as one question or offering me an opportunity to explain my situation, you decided that I am an “able-bodied” person who has apparently “chosen” not to work. This couldn't be further from the truth.
I had one full-time job in my life, from 2000-2002, when my mental illness was clearly not nearly as severe and life-altering as it is now. I suffer from Pervasive Depressive Disorder and Anxiety and have been on medication and receiving therapy for both. I am mentally ill. I am not, by any means, “able-bodied” and my not being able to work is not a choice. I had my last job of any kind in 2007. I have not been able to work in ten years, TEN years, through no choice of my own. I attempted a part-time job in 2010 while still living in Florida and on the SNAP program, as a cashier at a Publix grocery store. I made it, by the skin of my teeth, through three days of training and a few hours of actual work before having to quit. Each of those four days began with hours of uncontrollable weeping and terror, begging my husband and the God of my understanding not to make me go. But I went, because I felt I had to, and spent each and every one of those minutes, hours and days while at “work” wishing I could run outside, across the parking lot into the four lanes of oncoming traffic because being dead seemed easier than continuing to pretend I was a normal healthy functioning human being.
I never made the CHOICE not to work. It is not my choice. I am very ill and in desperate need of financial assistance, which I was receiving for years through the SNAP food stamps program. I didn't get healthier. If anything, my conditions have continued to decline since my last job in 2007. I received benefits for years from SNAP because the agents of the Department of Social Services understood that I was sick and unable to work. I don't understand why this changed. I am not better. I never will be better. Mental illness cannot be cured. I am on medication and seeking therapy in an attempt to learn how to function more effectively in this world but for me, that will never include the ability to work a full-time job or perhaps even a part-time one. I don't understand why, without so much as a single question, my humanity has been disregarded and I was simply deemed “able-bodied” overnight.
It is my great shame that I am unable to work. It is anything but the “choice” of an “able-bodied” person. If I had my choice, I would be healthy and working and not constantly plagued by my illness. But it isn't my choice. I thought that the very purpose of the SNAP program was to help people in desperate need, of which I am one. None of this is my choice. I wish that you would understand this. Ask my doctor, ask my therapist, they would be happy to further explain if given the opportunity. Stop judging me based on a serious lack of information. Understand my need, my illness, my desperation. I am a person, yes, but by no means “able-bodied”.
Thank you for your consideration,
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
RIP, Carrie Fisher
You and I
share a name
spelled the same
but still an honor
I can claim.
far too soon
at the moon
who to blame.
made the world
in spite of
You taught me
to be brave
and now my life
be the same.
did you ever
think you could
at life's game?
That your courage
and your heart
and your being
made this world
one you could claim?
Though this was
your final day
in my heart
you will stay
and your legacy
will guide my way.
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Saturday, November 5, 2016
This prompt was chosen as my last homework assignment for this five-week creative writing workshop (damn, it went by fast). I don't generally write "essay-type" pieces for class but thought this one might be worth sharing. Enjoy!
So, looking at these prompts, the obvious first choice for me was “The Mistake”. Lord knows, I've made many. TONS. But, that isn't where I'm going today. First of all, mistakes can often be considered “happy accidents” in the long run. If everything in my life hadn't happened exactly the way it did, where would I be right now? Better off in some ways? Wealthy, living in my own home, a mother? Perhaps. But would those things, deemed “successes” by who the fuck knows, really be what is best for me? I try, more each day, to live in gratitude. Gratitude for what I have and gratitude for who I am. I am relatively healthy. My limbs all function properly, as do my senses. My heart is big and it is whole and it is filled with love for others and the love they so freely give to me, even when I feel unworthy of it. I have a wonderful husband and mother, two amazing pussycats, countless friends who are truly here for me in times of struggle as well as triumph. I may not have all the material things I wish for. I certainly don't have the peace of mind I strive for every day. But, overall, things could be FAR worse and sometimes, that just has to be enough. So no more reliving so-called “mistakes”. It is harmful and ultimately, pointless. What's done is done and all I or anyone else can do is move forward from here with a clear head, open eyes and a loving heart. One day at a time does not just apply to alcoholics, it applies to all in recovery from whatever one's particular struggle may be. Mine happens to be depression. What's yours? Think about it. Embrace the mantra. You don't have to be all things to all people at all times. You only have to be the best possible version of yourself as often as you can. Sounds a little less daunting now, doesn't it?
This essay wasn't meant to be about imparting lessons. Hell, who am I to give anyone advice? You know what, I am me. I am just as worthy of advice-giving as anyone else. And ultimately, as always, I'm writing this mostly to myself. I don't even like the word “mistake”. I'm going to do my best to strike it from my vocabulary. Blaming others and especially blaming oneself really doesn't get one anywhere. Life is entirely too short. So that's it, no more mistakes. Happy accidents. My perspective is constantly changing but the moral of this story is that I no longer wish to live in a world of finger-pointing and blame. Love is where it's at. Love for others and love for myself. And trust me, that has made all the difference.