Saturday, November 1, 2014

Workshop

I realize now that I never shared with you the fact that I am, albeit temporarily, a student again.  This coming Wednesday, sadly, will be my final session of five in a continuing ed. writing workshop I've been taking at a local college.  It has been such a wonderful experience.  As you may or may not realize, I have not held a job in seven years.  It shames me to say this but my last attempt in 2010 ended quite badly, with me in hysterics every morning before reporting for work and giving up after only four days.  I have had big plans in my head ever since, to volunteer, take a class, do something but alas, it was not to be.  My depression and anxiety were literally paralyzing.  Just the mere thought of making a commitment, to anything, terrified me and I just couldn't overcome it. Until now.  Granted, this is just a tiny baby step back into the land of the living, reentry into the world of the functioning adult, but I am insanely proud of myself for having taken it. I truly hope it leads to more and better.  I definitely know, if nothing else, I WILL be taking another class this spring, hopefully with many of the same classmates.

Anyway, this preamble was leading to this, my sharing of my final class assignment.  Each week, our professor (who prefers to think of herself as a fellow workshop participant, very cool) gives us a selection of writing prompts to choose from and we are then given carte blanche to write about them in whatever form we wish, poetry, prose, memoir, etc.  In our fourth class, I was introduced to a form of poetry called the pantoum.  (I would not be able to adequately explain it to you, I generally write free verse in a stream of consciousness style but I suggest you google pantoum.  Fascinating!  The repetitive nature is all part of the format.) As I implied, my poetry rarely has a set structure (aside from the occasional haiku) so this was a true challenge for me.  I completed my very first pantoum in class with my peers and decided, for my final assignment, to challenge myself to write another. The result is what follows.  Not surprisingly, it is called, "Depression".

how to unleash this heavy burden
it is a monster many encounter but few understand
the darkness may lie dormant but it never leaves
it is weighty and it is cumbersome

it is a monster many encounter but few understand
i am so afraid
it is weighty and it is cumbersome
there is no escape

i am so afraid
surrender means death
there is no escape
i will fight on

surrender means death
blue skies break through black clouds
i will fight on
my strength is my salvation

blue skies break through black clouds
i am tethered to hope
my strength is my salvation
despite all i will prevail

i am tethered to hope
the darkness may lie dormant but it never leaves
despite all i will prevail
how to unleash this heavy burden

6 comments:

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    1. Thank you so much, my dear friend. <3

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  2. I loved it! So well written. Laurie

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    1. That means so much to me, thank you, love.

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  3. You did fantastic and I loved it, Kari. I am very proud of you for stepping out doing something you have wanted to do. As I've stated several times, you are a very special person to me and the mere fact that you did it, again, is what makes me call you my rock. Every time things get me down, I look at the love and respect that you show me after really knowing me in-spite of me.

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    1. Thank you, love. You're a wonderful person, whether or not you realize it, and you deserve love and respect. It was scary for me to do this but I'm so glad that I did. xo

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