Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Heart Hurt

My heart hurts
as if all my years
of secret pain
have decided 
to reveal themselves 
at once.
Breathing feels hard
almost as if
it isn't worth the effort.
But I know 
that is my illness talking
trying to mask the truth
as it always does.
I hate this feeling.
It's as if I have
no control
over anything
including my own mind
and to a degree
that is true.
I want 
so much
to be unbroken
but despite 
all the tape and glue
I can never get 
my pieces
to fit together correctly.
I do not want to hurt
I do not want to cry
I do not want to want
and I certainly 
do not want to need
but I do.
I need you 
to stay with me
and hold my hand
and promise me
that everything will be okay
that I am okay
no matter how not okay 
I feel.
Please don't give up on me
I'm begging you
and me, too.

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