as if all my years
of secret pain
have decided
to reveal themselves
at once.
Breathing feels hard
almost as if
it isn't worth the effort.
But I know
that is my illness talking
trying to mask the truth
as it always does.
I hate this feeling.
It's as if I have
no control
over anything
including my own mind
and to a degree
that is true.
I want
so much
to be unbroken
but despite
all the tape and glue
I can never get
my pieces
to fit together correctly.
I do not want to hurt
I do not want to cry
I do not want to want
and I certainly
do not want to need
but I do.
I need you
to stay with me
and hold my hand
and promise me
that everything will be okay
that I am okay
no matter how not okay
I feel.
Please don't give up on me
I'm begging you
and me, too.
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