Tuesday, December 3, 2013


Rough time for me, December. It's hard to remember a time when December simply meant snow and vacation and Christmas and presents and my family the way I used to perceive it. Now there are so many more associations, new ones that have virtually obliterated the former.

I kind of dread December now and I hate that it has to be this way. I want to go back to that innocent carefree time it was in my youth. Although honestly, was it really so carefree? The more I ponder, the more I recall stressing myself out for most (if not all) of Christmas break about one term paper or another or whose house I'd be going to for Christmas dinner that year.

Of course, in retrospect, those were minuscule worries compared to the ones I face now like how will I get my mother through this, only her second Christmas without her son. He died on December 21st, Mom barely had time for it to register last year. Now, there is nothing but time for the reality to sink in. Then there's December 28, the fourteenth anniversary of my father's death, from which my mom has moved on in no way whatsoever.  This will be the first Christmas we have spent together since 2003 so it will be interesting, to say the least.

Rough time for me, December. I guess now I just wait and see.


  1. I hope that you can find some joy in December. You are back up north. Take advantage of it! I know it will be hard, but try to remember the good times or at least try to make new good times!

    I don't always look for the good in everything but I try really hard to in the month of December. Let the warm fuzzy Christmas spirit overcome you both! Make new memories! You know all too well how life is short, so go out there and see the tree in NYC, and do all the cheesy touristy things!! Then take your time to mourn if that's what you need to do, but make it a goal to make at least one new memory this December!

  2. I'm so sorry that so many bad things happened in a season that is supposed to be filled with joy and light. I love you more than words can say.