Sunday, June 16, 2013

What Matters

Sometimes, I reflect on the huge strides I've made and think, "Wow, is this really me?  Am I truly and finally kicking depression's ass?"  Then days like this hit me like a Mack Truck and I realize that this process, this fucking battle, NEVER ends.  Some days, I am the girl who is fighting and seemingly winning and then, out of the blue, the house of cards that I've so carefully crafted comes crashing down around me and I am a bawling mess like I am right now.  Slights, real and imagined, cut me to the quick and I find myself back beneath the bell jar, looking up and out and wondering if the moments of peace and clarity and, dare I say, joy, were the illusion and this hideous state, my reality.  Needless to say, the pain that I keep dodging and weaving to avoid always seems to find me. I guess the trick is to realize that the pain, like the joy, is temporary, that the clouds will lift and that in time, I will once again see the sun.  Where's that magic when I need it?


  1. I am sorry you're feeling bad right now, Kari :(

    The only thing that works for me is reminding me it really is temporary. True happiness is such a fleeting thing for me and sometimes when I feel it, I cannot let myself enjoy it. It's so rare that I find myself surprised by it and thinking "how long will this feeling last?" and then it's gone.

    You're a very strong person for continuing to fight your battle and staying positive. Unfortunately those bad moments can really knock us down hard.

    I am trying to send magical vibes to you, can you feel them? <3

  2. I can. Thank you, sweet girl. Love you.