Saturday, July 9, 2011
One of Those Days
Today is one of those days where I truly feel like I am perched precariously on a balance beam, sanity to my left and complete instability to my right and you can probably guess in which direction I am leaning. Every dog has its day and all that shit, right? Well, I'm still waiting for my day to come. I've been waiting for a year and a half for my day to come. Let's be honest, I've been waiting for thirty-eight years for my day to come. I'm just not sure how much I have left to give. I'm clinically depressed but trying to have a child, so I went off my meds. However, I haven't been able to get pregnant so I could, ostensibly, go back on my meds, yet I can no longer afford to buy them and have no health insurance. The saga continues, the vicious cycle of doom and gloom, and I just don't see an end in sight, now or ever. I keep trying to put one foot in front of the other and not give up that last tiny lingering shred of hope that things can change for us but damn if I can wait much longer.
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Kari, I totally understand. I've never been in as dark a spot as I've been in the past almost 2 months. There is no end in sight for the stuff I'm going through either. Somehow I'm trying to stay sane dealing with that MAJOR stuff and look for a new job. I'd rather just crawl in a hole. Please message me on FB if you need a shoulder. I'm here for you. Love you MORE!!
ReplyDelete*hugs* if you need anything - anything at all - even if it's just to talk, PLEASE msg or me text me, kari. i can't stand to see you down :(
ReplyDeleteThings always eventually change -- keep hanging on.
ReplyDeleteThank you both, so much. I can't thank you enough for the support and understanding. <3
ReplyDeleteKari, you know i understand the darkness... I also understand coming off the meds in a bid to get pregnant. It is something I have done also...even though i have my 2 already. I want another before it is too late. I came off the meds without telling anyone and have no idea if it will work and if it is right for my mental health. It isn't something i can talk to anyone about. Take Care x
ReplyDeleteI am definitely wondering if being off meds on the off chance that I become pregnant is worth the risk to my current mental state. We've been "trying" for about 2 years now and nothing has happened yet. In the meantime, I am becoming more and more despondent which, in turn, is probably affecting my ability to become pregnant. So yeah, it's a vicious cycle. Of course, without health insurance or income, getting back on meds would be more difficult now than ever before but I may just have to consider it, soon.
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