Monday, April 11, 2011
Today was a really shitty one. It was the kind of day that really made me wonder why I even bother. Bother with what, you might ask? Any damn thing at all, I reply. I've been told that having a positive outlook and trying to project positive thoughts into the universe helps make good things happen but how do I do that when it goes against EVERYTHING in my nature? Feeling depressed is like breathing. How do you "re-learn" how to breathe? I suppose anything is possible. Brian seems to think that this is something I can do if I work at it hard enough. I'm not saying that he's wrong. Though it's often hard to admit, I don't have all the answers. Hell, I don't even have most of them. I really am trying though. Sometimes, just getting out of bed is a victory for me. It may not seem like much to anybody else but I know how hard I fight just to achieve something resembling emotional stability. I just wish the universe would cooperate, even a little.